Life is confusing and hard and the rule book  doesn't really apply to all sistuation  why does every single bible verse have so many interpretations?  I guess if it really was this easy as being able to read one thing and have to do it right.....but I guess that is no free choice  and no real freedom we need both to grow into the person would have us becomeL. Thank The Lord that he loves me enough that I have need able to screw up so many times,  my family is wonderful and if I had gotten everything I prayed for I would not have the wonderfamilt that I have.  I've been read a lot of fan fiction type stuff from Amish fiction and sometimes wonder if we are just movies too far away from the land our good lord gave us.

I pray for knowledg

Yay finally have a tablet

So I'm hoping from here on out my spelling will improve a bit.  I mean my Masters has to do good for something right?  I'm not really sure how much I'm going to promote my sight but at least it is a place to me to write down the good and bad of things.  So many people online see the best things In A persons life and we forget that life really is messy and hard!

Spiritual

Do you ever wonder really is my husband  reading what I wrote. I'm going to guess that mine doesn't. I do love sappy things about .  One of the thingy heart and soul is leaning for is a strong hand in our famies spirituality. I've wanted him to be a sting guide for our family. I really feel like I need a guide and how I wish it was my guy who wanted to lead our family. But how many times or prayers will lead someone to God?  I'm scared and feal spiritually alone and yes it makes me cry. I was a partners who loves got not just tollieates. 

No help in site.  I have started more ainle bible study but I WANT my husband to take this path with me for our kids. 

Lost 

Lost friends.

Today, well right now really, is a sad moment for me. I don't know maybe I expect too much from people and the fact that I can be passive aggressive doesn't help, but I hate losing friends. Especially when you are someone that I honestly feel as if I would have laid down my life to save if needed.  

I may be passive aggressive but I strive not to be a liar. Heck the second time I met my now husband i explained how I was married but we were getting divorced( think X had a new place the next month) and that I had a young son. I laid all my cards in the table. I even told Bob about how Larry SO didn't deserve me.  He is/was a genuinely good guy, but honestly within 20. Mins of first seeing Bob I just knew we were right for each other ... And I still feel like Bob is my soulmate.  Eight years of marriage on Feb 18th!  I went off on a tangent. 

This friendship is in tattered ruins; I really don't feel as if I'm at fault for. This  is something super serious that  I kept quite about for over a year even if I feel as if I was being punished from almost the 2nd or 3rd day I was told by a certain person what happened. Really though a person who says point blank they will lie if the truth is exposed??  Iloved   this person so much and was like my own sibling.. 

There are times in the past I regret my actions. Such as not telling Sarah straight up when I was getting burned out and how I actually felt about certain actions she took made me feel (not bad actions just not what I wanted to have happen. Really how fair is that though to just expect her to know how I feel?)

This situation however I feel as if I finally did the right thing.  Where I want to be in my life is something I strive towards each day. By keeping this secret until a couple of  weeks ago I created stress In My own life now the truth is told but my friendship is long over. 

A nostalgic ramble.

There are certainly things I miss when I look back to my time with the LDS church. Fist of all the idea of family first and that families are forever is a very comforting thought. 

Then the way their social services are set up should be a model that the US govt stoves towards. Next is how surrounded with live you can feel from tout church when you have great leaders at the helm (guess that one could be true with any religion). 

I don't know. What I do believe  is that Jesus died on that cross for each if us. In the end isn't that what really matters?   I wish I didn't feel so alone sometimes tho.  I am doing better tho and do have some friends.  I am getting there but by but. With my amazing 3 kids and super amazing husband. 

Some things you should just keep you mouth closed about!

I have had a whirlwind time since my Josephine was born!  I will post more as I think of things and sort thru the pictures. One thing that has happened over the time REALLY sticks out in my mind.

Some people (trust me I know I lack this sometime) have ZERO clue about tact!  If you have a friend or family member who loses an animal be sympathetic.  Get them a card, tell tem you ate sorry, sponser a Lost Dog "adopt me" vest in their memory.  Each of those is acceptable depending on your level of familiarity, both with those who lost the pet and the animal. What you should never, ever, ever, ever ( especially when you know that this animal was a family member and like a child to those who lost them) is......

1) say "animals don't have souls" and comment about how they are just gone now!  (Go read that rainbow bridge poem, if you don't cry there is no way you will get this post anyway....)

2) tell them it was JUST a dog, cat, etc., and can get another one.

3)tell them they should not have put them to sleep. They have probably agonized over the decision, they don't need you to judge.

4) pretend like it didn't happen.

There are probably numerous more but one, or more, of these actually happened. The situation may make you uncomfortable or you may not understand how someone could feel that way about an animal.  Just express your sympathy and listen. Seriously keep the feeling of negativity about pets or "stupid" animals to yourself!

That pet may be just as important, or more, to that person then you are.  It may be hard to understand but it is true in many cases. I love my cats, probably not even 1/2 of the "total family member" person and I would be upset if someone made light of their death.

I write these on my phone so pardon grammar etc.

What happens if both mon and dad die?

My husband and I have gone thru this as I am sure many patents do.  What happens to your kids if you both die in an accident?  Horrible to even think about it is something to consider. We raised up boba life insurance to quit a large amount so either me (if I lived) or our daughters new guardians could take care of them. My brother John and his with rise are the ones that we decided would raise our children if both bob and I die together.  It's one of those things I really pray never happen. But I do believe by sending our girls put to Oregon they may get a real loving home (with my crazy brother) don't worry rose can keep him in control.   :).   My oldest may have the "easiest" time of it as he will just switch to a full time life with and at his million dollar home.  I just hope the girls and spencer would still stay connected.....  Ajjjjj light night rblinf that actually means quite aot.